But but but but.....

...I wants it!!

Obviously, being engaged is making me look more carefully at all the shows and blogs that I frequent.

And I'm making Excel spreadsheets with pricing, and lists of potential ideas, and venues, and, and, and trying to figure out exactly what I want. (Which is more difficult than it sounds, simply because I know a lot of the gamut of what's available. *le sigh*) Don't believe it when people say that planning for yourself is easy when you've done it for other people, they lie. lol

And though, for now, my spreadsheet lists prices that are pulled mostly from thin air (we'll call them "educated guesses") some of the items I'm pricing out are coming in very close to what I hoped was a *high* estimate. Discussing them a bit with M, he of course had the very sensible attitude of "we'll just cut non-essentials, or bring them down drastically" to which I had the equally opposite albeit internal response of "but I WANTS it!!"

Because I do. Just the way I'm envisioning. I really want that dress (which could be on sale by the time I'm buying) and I want those photographers, from Florida, nevermind that we live in Utah, and it's expensive to fly them out here. I. Want. Them. And I don't want to sell my coveted dress afterward, because I think it would be fun to have a "trash the dress" session. Very in vogue right now, but I think it would be totally fun, especially given that M is a HUGE baseball fan. Can you imagine playing in your wedding dress? :D

Kind of like this... (without the sliding, I'd break my ankle, haha)

Video is The Ultimate "Trash the Dress" Session by Keith Cephus from Vimeo.

All of this dialogue takes place in my head, of course, in a matter of moments. My inner two-year-old and my semi-sensible-adult duking it out, but still both leaning towards the more spoiled-brat side of, but why NOT?!?

M then stated his main point. A very good point. Simply that, although he doesn't want me to look back and think "I wish we had done this" (one which I'm sure my mother would agree with) and he really wants me to have everything I want (because, and I quote, "at the end it is your (meaning me) day, not just ours, and you should get exactly what you want") he also wants to make sure I keep my eyes firmly planted on the fact that this is a celebration of the life we would be beginning together. Not the photo booth that would be totally fun, but pricey, or the centerpieces that have yet to be designed, but the fact that we love each other, and will be spending the rest of our lives together.

Everyone together now... awwwwww

I'm glad that he can kick my crazy planning in the rear and bring me back. Because he's right. It's not about the bridesmaids' dresses. It's not about whether or not he wears a tux or a suit, or whatever, or even the venue. It's about us.

So while my inner two-year-old fights the good fight, M is amazing, and will bring me back. And at the end of it all, it will be amazing and I will love it.

Sorry two-year-old me. Certain things are more important.
(Including not turning into the biggest bridezilla ever. :D )

What about you and your plans? Anything that you crave? Anything that you've had to remove for cost reasons?